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Knee deep in laundry piled too high, screaming baby, sleepless nights and you need to pump so your baby can eat. Yes, I have been there momma. Actually, I am currently living in the same situation so I can relate.
No time to pump, you just spent 30-40 minutes nursing the baby and now you need to pump because you have plans later and grandma needs to feed the baby. I hear ya sister it feels impossible. Being hooked to a machine and stuck for another 45 more minutes seems impossible. If we could flip a switch instead to get that liquid gold out fast, we would.
I am currently nursing my third child.
With My First Daughter
I nursed for 45 minutes then pumped for 45 minutes because I was going to be heading back to work after maternity leave. It was a vicious cycle that as soon as I would get done pumping, she would be ready to eat again. I would nurse her then pump then continue that non-stop.
By 5 months I was over it. I wanted to quit breastfeeding and ultimately did.
I couldn’t figure out how to nurse and pump so I could be away from her, so we supplemented with formula. Eventually we ended up just feeding her formula.
With my first I felt like a failure as a mom. I never forgave myself for not trying harder to continue breastfeeding longer.
You read all these articles about how breastfeeding is best for your baby. If you didn’t breastfeed there was something wrong with you.
I remember after she was born our family and friends were in the lobby waiting for her to be born. As soon as she arrived, they all came in and held her.
I didn’t get that one on one bonding time or do skin to skin. What I didn’t know at the time was that set the stage and the struggle of our breastfeeding journey.
With My Second Daughter
When daughter number two was born the guilt of quitting breastfeeding early with my first set in. I told myself throughout my second pregnancy that I was going to breastfeed her and not quit.
Daughter number two was born within minutes of us arriving at the hospital. There was no time to call anyone and it was just me and my husband.
I had planned to breastfeed and knew I wanted to have bonding time with just her and do skin to skin. I had done a ton of research and watched hours of YouTube video’s about breastfeeding I felt like an expert. Well, not an expert just a very determined woman.
I never knew skin to skin bonding time was such a valuable thing to do. My baby lifted her head into position on my chest and latched on right away. What an amazing feeling knowing at that moment that our breastfeeding journey was off to a great start.
Yep, it was good because she breastfeed up until almost three years. By the time she was two I was over it and just wanted out. I wanted my body back. I wanted to go do things and not have to worry about time because I needed to return within three hours. She was strapped to me all the time, literally I baby wore her until almost three years told too.
I refused to pump because I was a stay at home mom and decided instead of pumping, I would just nurse her. Well little did I know it would backfire and my feeling about it later would change.
It took a year to wean her. I started at two years old and she wasn’t fully weaned until she was almost three. It was so hard for her. I began to hate myself for agreeing to such a commitment. Then I had to realize that was the commitment I signed up for and I needed to allow my daughter to decide when it’s time for her to be done nursing.
With My Third Daughter
Daughter number three was an induced delivery. She was measuring very small my entire pregnancy, 9%-18%. With my maternal age of 41, the risk of still birth was high. So, I was induced one week prior to my due date.
They gave me Pitocin at 9:10am, they broke my water at 10:10am, she was born at 2:09pm.
She came out screaming and didn’t stop for the 2 hours I held her on my chest. Skin to skin was magical with my second daughter so I assumed it would be the same. It wasn’t and I didn’t know if something was wrong with my third baby. I agreed to the induction, but did we take her out before she was ready?
Eventually, later that evening after her bath and more cuddling from mommy she settled, and we started our breastfeeding journey. Assuming since I had prior experience, this would be super easy. Big mistake on my part again assuming. Boy was I wrong.
The latch was horrible. The pain was so bad that I couldn’t stand it. I heard stories from other mom’s over the years about their kids having a painful latch, but I thought they were exaggerating.
Nope, it felt like someone took a pair of pliers and pulled my nipple out and lit them on fire. Ouch!
I met with the lactation consultant at the hospital a few times, she wasn’t suggesting anything I didn’t know. I left the hospital with sore nipples, determination and the thought that I would just have to figure it out by myself.
I started to use a nipple shield because it would mask some of the pain. It got so bad that I would cringe when it was time to nurse her. I told myself that I would just keep unlatching her and bare through the toe-curling pain and eventually it would get better.
Here we are 3 months later, and I was right. No more nipple shield and her latch has improved significantly.
Final Thoughts…
Sometimes as a veteran mom we think we know everything there is to know about breastfeeding. We think our experience somehow entitles us to have the same experience.
If I have learned one thing about my breastfeeding journey’s is that each one can be uniquely different. You can plan or not and the outcome may not be what you think it should be.
Regardless if you choose to breastfeed or use formula it’s a personal choice. There should never be any guilt about the decision you make for your baby. The most important thing is that your child is fed and loved.